Lost of Myself

Work load is nothing that I couldn't handle, but being stuck in the section I dont like with invisible but obvious stereotyping and discrimination left me weak and hopeless..

I wasn't like this before. I used to be very strong in term of "come what may". I was always calm and handled all sort of pressures and intense situation like nobody's business. I use to belive in the quote of a speech I heard last time - "One person can make a difference". It may not sound too realistic but hell I kept that in mind and stood strong no matter how heavy the burden bestowed upon me.

But heck when she left me I was really torn apart. It was like my whole strenth was gone. I became so weak and fragile ever since. I will get angry and became irritated over small things. I have low tolerance level these days plus I reckon i fail to handle pressures well these days. Heck about being one person and making a difference... I was one against not the whole world, but only 3 people. Yet I failed.

Some may say I took a big hit on my ego. Some may call me pathetic for not moving on. And as for me, I am just another dead man walking...

Things took even a curvier turn after my training... It was ok when were in training, cus I always have new department to look forward to, and friends to complaint and make fun about...But now....

One is watching gondolas going up and down.

The other is watching everybody else from near yet far away place

One more watches me pathetically everyday from a comforting position..

And I dont know how else to put what else I think off....

The bottom line is that I am doomed.. I am so weak that I wish so badly I can regain myself back, but hell I am just so numb. Got numb of the tortures and filthy words of others that mock me... Some how I cant get up.. My previous self would have kicked all these butts flat out, but now I am just letting people, to get over my head... Its not that I dont wanna do anything, but I'm just lost....Lost of being myself...

Somehow I just wish she could come back in my life, so that I can regain my strength, so that I will be able to endure anything and everything once again... So that I can "come what may" once again. Looks like in my case one person can't make a difference after all...I need another... The soul I was lost off...Well dont blame me for loving...

I just wish one last time I'm give the strength back again, so I can endure everything calmly.. I like myself better when I'm calmly dealing with pressures...Nowadays I hate myself for losing myself...

Where Fantasy and Reality Cross Paths....I am sooooo...lost of myself...