Unfit 4 LOVE

I had this topic since a very long time ago, but decided to treat it as a foolish believe until recently when all came back to me again..

Well, I kept on pondering why the heck am I not loved, or maybe I am but it’s a thin line to be noticed. But what I ponder more is so far till today none of those I loved stood long with me. All this tracks back as far as I could recall in my life.

When I was in primary school, I had this friends, whom till today I would find them to be a dear part of my life. I don’t know why, but maybe cus they are the one that I really ever made the friendship tie to begin with. But as I recall it today, I don’t know where the hell are they. Lost completely out of touch from them.

Then came the time when I was close with a relative and his family. I really like to be with them, but unfortunately my parents are not so keen about them and since I was young, I am barely capable of doing anything that is of my wish, and I lost them as well.

Along the way came a cousin and few other friends, but who knows this cousin as well as the friends will backstab me at my own backyard. So much for the bond I had with them.

Further ahead came most of my UNI friends and the girl I truly love till today. But courses then, work now, turned us into separate ways. Differences in ideologies are small issues to remedy. But things got way too complicated when racism, irresponsibilities, backstabings aqnd selfishness took a toll where I became an outcast for loving.

Ever since I never really revealed myself truly to anyone. Mainly the fear of being vulnerable as well as losing the ones I love will be a great pain. So I decided not to love thus there will not be pain in losing any of the new found souls. I decided to live it that way, until recently, met a friend. I tried so hard to be close, yet my fear held me back. Recently she told me she is going away, and I calmly waved her goodbye…Gone again people I love. Don’t know how many more are waiting in the list.

Somehow I feel like I am cursed out of love. No one, I love stay with me. Yeah it is fiction of life, but not even one single glory…Now that’s déjà vu.

Maybe that’s the reason why I never did show how much I love my parents, and they are the one who stood by me till today, but then again there is no denying that I’ll part from them sooner or later. But I keep myself concealed in fear of losing them sooner. Superstitious ??? Well try being me…..

Its so depressing everytime I put my heart, it just gets broken. Now I am left with shatterd pieces..

Where Fantasy and Reality Cross Paths…..cursed for life…….