Part 4 of Reflections : Pact with God
Intro
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
This is the final installment to my small factual series...Moving on to the story...My mom was very serious at one point...I teared down looking at her...She is the one soul that I am btruly blessed with...No doubt we had our arguments but it doesn't change the fact that she is my mom and she played a very major role especially in me to the person I am today...
Now when I saw my mom suffering I knew what I must do....I must put back all the doubts I had previously and return back to my old self...And by that I mean to return back to the God that I once believed without hesistation...As soon as my dad left I messaged him that I need to go and pray...It was about 2 am, and so it must have freaked him out...He asked where am I going to pray...but I just replied "dont worry about that"...
So at about 3 am i found myself in front of St.John's church...Its been a while but the environment looked the same...Of course the gates were closed, I just remained in the car parked it outside the entrance to the church...It really felt awkward to do it again after a very long time...but I guess it is now or never...
I recall the last time I did this was also for a girl...But the girl now is my ex and to her I'm non existent...I prayed my hearts out then, I teared wanting her so badly and god did grant me the wish a week after...but of course we humans always mess up the great things god gift us with...And so the relationship had an abrubt end after 8 months...Only I knew the pain more than anyone, as no one else had put that much effort...When the relationship ended, I gave up in everything including God...The logical argument was that since he gave it to me, why can't he make sure that the relationship is retained... Well and then come the issue of another woman..My MOM...
And again I prayed from inside my car which is right outside of the church...This time I prayed for my mom...I already lost one woman, I dont wanna loose another...at least not yet...So I prayed...You see God, has very smooth way in getting back his followers who had slided...He didnt push you...he just made sure that we make the choice again to return to HIM.... And so I did...A deal...I will return to his path...provided my mom returns back safely...I think it was a fair deal with God, as the night after my mom began to recover and as I type this out, she is at home cooking for Deepavalli...Talk about the miracles of God...And I am trying my best till now to keep my side of the bargain...
It is damn hard to return when all this while you have been enjoying earthly pleasures, and now I am suppose to be focused about heavenly joys...Really damn hard...But I am trying, and I am sure that God is watching by me and giving me the time to recover as well...And I guess it isnt so bad after all to return to the divine position...It is for my own good...Only Q is that how long am I gonna hold out before I tremble and fall again...I really do not wish to fall...But I ask of God this...to gift me with some sort of vivion so that I'll know where to began and where to head...SO that I can be determined again not to fall...
Crazy ain't how women plays important role in my life...I am suprised as well, but what wouldn't I do for the sake of the ones I love... Well my mom is here now...and I wonder if the girl will ever be here with me again, or should I just walk away, throwing my love away...I realised I still love her...But is there another path that I should head to....These are the visions that I need now the most, as these are the most disturbing past I have till today....I want to be able to move with Faith again...I hope my visions will come sooner than later, as it will help me walk away from all my sinful patterns sooner as well...Talk to me God, please....
GOD is the true tone of reality....
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
This is the final installment to my small factual series...Moving on to the story...My mom was very serious at one point...I teared down looking at her...She is the one soul that I am btruly blessed with...No doubt we had our arguments but it doesn't change the fact that she is my mom and she played a very major role especially in me to the person I am today...
Now when I saw my mom suffering I knew what I must do....I must put back all the doubts I had previously and return back to my old self...And by that I mean to return back to the God that I once believed without hesistation...As soon as my dad left I messaged him that I need to go and pray...It was about 2 am, and so it must have freaked him out...He asked where am I going to pray...but I just replied "dont worry about that"...
So at about 3 am i found myself in front of St.John's church...Its been a while but the environment looked the same...Of course the gates were closed, I just remained in the car parked it outside the entrance to the church...It really felt awkward to do it again after a very long time...but I guess it is now or never...
I recall the last time I did this was also for a girl...But the girl now is my ex and to her I'm non existent...I prayed my hearts out then, I teared wanting her so badly and god did grant me the wish a week after...but of course we humans always mess up the great things god gift us with...And so the relationship had an abrubt end after 8 months...Only I knew the pain more than anyone, as no one else had put that much effort...When the relationship ended, I gave up in everything including God...The logical argument was that since he gave it to me, why can't he make sure that the relationship is retained... Well and then come the issue of another woman..My MOM...
And again I prayed from inside my car which is right outside of the church...This time I prayed for my mom...I already lost one woman, I dont wanna loose another...at least not yet...So I prayed...You see God, has very smooth way in getting back his followers who had slided...He didnt push you...he just made sure that we make the choice again to return to HIM.... And so I did...A deal...I will return to his path...provided my mom returns back safely...I think it was a fair deal with God, as the night after my mom began to recover and as I type this out, she is at home cooking for Deepavalli...Talk about the miracles of God...And I am trying my best till now to keep my side of the bargain...
It is damn hard to return when all this while you have been enjoying earthly pleasures, and now I am suppose to be focused about heavenly joys...Really damn hard...But I am trying, and I am sure that God is watching by me and giving me the time to recover as well...And I guess it isnt so bad after all to return to the divine position...It is for my own good...Only Q is that how long am I gonna hold out before I tremble and fall again...I really do not wish to fall...But I ask of God this...to gift me with some sort of vivion so that I'll know where to began and where to head...SO that I can be determined again not to fall...
Crazy ain't how women plays important role in my life...I am suprised as well, but what wouldn't I do for the sake of the ones I love... Well my mom is here now...and I wonder if the girl will ever be here with me again, or should I just walk away, throwing my love away...I realised I still love her...But is there another path that I should head to....These are the visions that I need now the most, as these are the most disturbing past I have till today....I want to be able to move with Faith again...I hope my visions will come sooner than later, as it will help me walk away from all my sinful patterns sooner as well...Talk to me God, please....
GOD is the true tone of reality....
posted by devilwitattitude at 7:00 AM
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