Dealing with Daddy

After a very long time, though I am weak and all worn out, I still would wanna do something for something I started last month. Its for my blog of course. I don’t want you guys to forget me.

As I am always full of thoughts, I was not all that organized. I was thinking hard what should I post next and since tomorrow is father’s day I decided to bid this honour to my dad.

My dad and I was never the best of buddies whatsoever. There are times I cursed him with all kind of vulgar words that I ever knew. There are times he did asked me to get out of the house. Even now he made it invisibly clear that he cannot depend on me in the future to take care of him. It all hurts me well, cus my dad never knew me. He doesn’t know what is playing in my head,yet he jumps into conclusion. I envy most child out there who has a father that treat them like a friend thus communications was not a distance for them. But its not likely for my case. We hardly communicate. I can hardly recall the days when my father was actually friendly towards me. That will be probably when I was way younger than I am now.

I don’t know what happened along the way and why the good times fade away. If I really have to track back then all I have to say is that it all began when my dad was always stricter to me compared to my siblings. My sister, since the only daughter was always the precious one and my brother since he is the youngest, is the most taken care of. Me being in the middle always seem to be a rebel, mostly due to my own thoughts and not merely following traditions and norm. I always did well in my studies. Even now my bro’s performance isn’t up to my par, but yet both my sis and bro were often spared no matter how badly they did. But no matter how good I was my father always condemned me. I know he did it to make me a better man. But what’s bothering me is why he didn’t do to the rest of his heir. I recall one day, during price giving ceremony, my parents didn’t attend to see me receiving what I deserve. I was so heartbroken at a very young age, watching all my friends having their parents around and I was like an orphan. I even called my dad, but he didn’t seem to be bothered.

Eventually I grew up being the total outcast and rebel of the family that I am today. I am not totally disowned but I do not feel much of a sense of belonging to anywhere. Partially, that’s the reason I don’t go back for my holidays and rather go out on some vacations.

I am not saying he is all that bad, but its just that I do not have anything to represent his actions, for I never knew him either. Whenever I decided to step forward and talk to him, he always ends up breaking my heart for the reasons I do not know of. That just widens the gaps between us. Poor mom, have to struggle between both of us.

Despite all that I have said, I am aware that I do not say much good thing about him, but deep down inside me I can feel that both me and him realizes that no matter how far apart we are, it will never change the fact that he is the dad that gave me the life I have now, and I am the son that ……well I don’t know exactly what he thinks of me. I saw him in tears at my sis’s graduation day, but heck I didn’t see even a single drop for mine. I was the one in tears on that day for a different reason. Maybe he did cried but I wasn’t fortunate enough to see it. Now I will never know the truth of his hidden feelings and he will never know me unless he opens himself up.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t change at all that he is my dad and I am his son. Our bond my not be strong, but it can never be broken….Never ever…Happy Father’s day.

Where Fantasy and Reality Cross Paths…….mended bond meant to last forever…..