Starting Over.....

Any One Tree Hill fans out there... Well I find the series quite interesting, I mean there is nothing mystical or out of the world kinda story. In fact it just reflects what happens in certain parts of the world, in certain people's life in a certain why. I find interesting the way how the plot goes and the story is brought to life, giving me a perspective on every aspect of instances in life. Not necessarily new perspective, but it did open my mind for further exposure...So as i was reading one of the episode's script, I think it is the last episode of 1st season. It talks about how Lucas Scott was planning to move out with his uncle Keith to Charleston. His reasons...He has an asshole dad who never cared about him,he screwed things up with two hot chicks, his arm got injured in an accident preventing him from performing well in his basketball carrier.In short he is screwed big time and he wanted to sort of run away from unrepairable things..He wanted to turn over new leaf.Go somewhere where no one knows him and he can relive his life in a new environmet building everything from scratch.

It gave me an idea. I mean what does it mean by starting over.....Going back to the start line and travel again, this time taking a different path. After many horrifying incidents i went thru, i had a few friends asking me to do the same thing. But the fact is Lucas is a series character and I am real...It doesn't seem to be that easy to start over. I mean how do u do that really. I cant forget about the pain and betrayal. How the hell am i suppose to begin a new life whne my past is still fresh in my memories. When my friends advise me, i kept on telling them dont tell me what to do, tell me how to do. Cus the fact is that i know what i must do, but i do not know how the hell am i suppose to do it.People say forget about ur past. I said fine i will...But then again how. How do u stop urself from refreshing the past.

I really wonder and i am wondering ever since, but still no answer. I guess it is fated that the one that hurts u can get over it very fast but the one that been hurt will hold grudge. Dont condemn those who hold grudge, cus its not what they wanted either, but there is non helping to be out either. I know people can say i can only show u the door, but u have to walk it urself, but when it comes to real life, dude let us be as real as it is and cut the profound bullshit. Let us seek for the cure then the preventions cuz preventions not always the best answer as it can last only so long before all hell break loose again. I dont know where i stand, but i am like anyone else, in seek of answer, trying to run away from my past.

Moving into a new place as the series is indeed a good idea, but then again i am not a coward to run away from my problems, yet i am not strong enough to stand up and face it. Not anymore. I am isolated now anyway, but the memories still ahunt me. So how can i be sure moving to a place even further will help me, cus no matter where i go,i will have to take my memories with me...And they are the biggest problem now...So can anyone tell me if any of you know of a fine way to earse ur memory. I am not planning to loose myself completely. Not that i know myself anyway but then again, i dont wanna forget my parents or some friends that are still remembering me. Maybe just some portions of it, just like the movie paycheck, where u can erase the memory neuron. i too wanna erase my meory at least 5 years back, perhaps not all but most of it.

Only then i guess i will get a real start over, otherwise no matter where i run, it is all the same all the way...

Where Fantasy and Reality Cross Paths.....Memories are my worst nightmares....