I lost....

You know kcyap.com, organised a header designing competition. Yeah I took part in that. Wasn't actually hoping to win, but the prize was indeed tempting. So I decided to give it a shot. And the outcome, was as expected I lost. Here are the designs, I produced :

Well this was the first design I produced. It meant to be something not so deep, and a bit wacky. I sort of got hit by slump and had no inspiration whatsoever to design something good. Took me about a whole day to design this. Wasn't satisfied myself, but heck decided to submit anyway.

This was my second design. As you can see my inspiration started blooming here.I decided to create something with an ancient touch, and here it is, a burnt parchment like design.

This was my third design. I wanted to have different type of approach and there you go, wacky, ancient and this one more futuristic.

This is my final design. As you can see it is similar to the previous design but just that I added a bit of scanline touch to make it look like a monitor broadcast. Yeah it looks bad cus the image is smaller. Click on it and view the actual size and you will get what I mean. I wasn't too sure which one is better so I decided to submit both.

Overall, yeah I lost undisputedly, majorly because I misjudged the theme of kcyap.com. And I admit that the winners' design was indeed better. Hope to design better in the future. At present I am planning to reconstruct 8555's header. Yeah I designed it initally. Now I am planning to revamp it a little with some minor deduction and adding something else. Hopefully the master will like it. Heck he won't dare to complaint much as I am doing this FOC. Well yeah I need portfolio as well as more practise.

Can you hear it.....echoes of realmz.....

Being a Famous Blogger and Writing an entry...

Many out there, falls in this category...I dont know how they made it, but heck they made it. Wanna know how to rate if others are famous bloggers...Simple; just look at the number of comments they get....And u'll get ur answers...Else if other bloggers talk about another blogger, can also be considered as being famous. People like minishorts, kennysia and suanie...all fall in this category. But at times that what ticks me off....I dont get it... My pal, Din, keeps on telling me that KennySia is really funny...But what the heck, no matter how much I read it, i really dont find anything funny about that guy... I concede to the fact that different people has different views and maybe mine is slightly skewed...

Reverting back to my topic, its a good price to pay for being famous...Why??? Cus' no matter what u write, u will always have readers visiting ur site creating traffics. U'll undoubtly have numerous comments, some which may tickle, some which doesnt make sense and some being genuine. And the best of all, all this fans, will make ur sight more valuable a.k.a the entries are worth while...I read at times, there are nothing more to that entry then plain ramblings...And to look at the response, to be overwhelming simply amazes me. I mean I have seen many other plain ramblings, but heck they get no response. Yeah people like me do that quiet often.,...Ramble out of nothing about nothingness, and all I get is like what ....0 response...

To make things better there are people who just copy paste things, who just link an entry,who just talk about the same thing over and over again...people are practically running out of ideas of what to write i guess.

And the worse part is that, when one puts total energy, and whatever left of the peanut sized brain to come up with good quality post...they still get 0 response... Proves my point precisely...Even when we talk about the entries in blogsmalaysia.com, scroll down to find how many renowned bloggers have their entries published...I mean as long as you write something, people are willing to recommend u....Andf guess what...Half the time all those famous bloggers get recommended..And u have the editors...all of them are famous as well...And merely they will just publish the entries of their co-editor without much prejudice.

Where else, if ur a newbie and haven't made enough fame for urself, u will be evaluated upside down, left right before u get published.. And hey guess what again...No matter how good ur post can be, it can never beat what famous bloggers wrote...And u'll remain a newbie until u somehow become famous...Well that's the perks of being famous, everything seem to be so ...err......famous...

So the bottomline, is that unless ur famous, ur entry doesnt make much value..so why squeeeeeeze ur brain out of it...Let nature take its course..Oh yeah just a small tip, to be famous blogger of course...Make sure to attend some of the gatherings especially PPS Birthday bash...After that write something about it with pictures taken with other bloggers...walah!!!rocketing ur way to fame already....

Can u hear it....the echoes of realmz...

I hate it.........

I hate it to wake up from a nightmare.
I hate it when my past came haunting me...
I hate it when my life seem so dull after a dream...

When will it ever end is a mystery of universe...Guess it is harder to let go than i thought. Even if i want to I still dont want to as well. Even if i dont want to, I want to as well..Damn I am so fuckin' messed up.

Here I am lonely, and things just keeps on getting better....So much of freedom, but so many limitations...Standing in between is really killing me...slowly but surely...

SOmetimes I wish I will never wake up, as I know reality sucks big time...But dreamworld doesn't seem to be any better as well.... Sigh...

Can you hear it.....echoes of realmz...

Medical Attention VS Medical Cost

About a month ago I attended a talk on Responsible Gaming.It is related to the gaming industry and in my case was the gambling industry. It was good to know that people from the industry does really have some compassion towards their investors. Anyway at one point the host was talking about gambling addictions, thus concluded that these addictions can be cured by consuming some kind of medicine. I forgot the name alright. Anyway I was fast to argue that it is not logical as previously the host was telling us how gambling was a state of mind. So of course I argued, if it is a state of mind, then how can u control it with some kind of medicine. I mean regardless of what kind of medicine we ought to take, but if our concious is clouded then the medicine is doing nothing more than just numbing one's mind. Just like in the case of Emily Rose, whereby the incantation recited could not get to the mind due to the medicine which has a numbing effect to the brain. So in general it just goes to say that the brain is just reducing the "hyper" mode but not exactly dealing with the problem itself. Why??? Cus the medicine was designed in such way. It was not possible to control one's own thoughts, but u can always reduce the accelerations.

So I had a very valid theory regarding the usage of these medicines. I mean if it is not a cure, then why does it exist??? And my theory was further supported when I journeyed through my mother's hospitalization process. My mom was admitted for 5 days, and the best part throughout these days was that the Doctor was unable to identify what is wrong with my mom. I told my dad, "I think the doctor is new, that's why she is having hard time resultiung the diagnosis", to which my dad replied " the doctor is a specialist".. And then it hit me hard...Specialist...can it be obtained by sitting for some paper exams as well as practicals. But even if practical is included but there so much that these evaluation can do when we are dealing with reality. Later on my dad admitted that the doctor could indeed be true...But he put it in a more possibly factual way. He said " looks like doctors these days they learn at the patients' expense". Meaning to say that when one talks about medical field, no doubt its damn huge. Everyday there could some complicating cases, and doctors find solutions from then on hoping they will be ready for the next patient with a similar issue. So what justice is there for the first patient that was forced to become guinea pig.

The cost for the 5 days stay at the hospital was RM 5000++. Guess how much the bed rental cost?? A freaking RM 80 a day, times by 5 days u get about RM 400...Which means the medication cost alone was worth RM 4600. Well I am fine with that if there was a solid result, but all that the doctor ever did was to take more tests...sometimes same tests, but seemingly coming up with different result, and at other times coming up with no results at all. Now that's a suprise.

When I reflect back my experience, it all seemed very stupid. Yeah it is. I mean I am no medical student but I guess my logic won't deviate that much as well. I recall the doctor came by to take blood test one to determine what's her problem. They used the blood test to check against Diabetes. ANd the result was negative. That was it, and the whole day my mom was stuck lying around the hospital as if a terminally ill patient. The next day the doctor came again and again took blood test and this time to test it against a different decease. What the heck??? Why can't u take the blood test once and test it against all possible combinations. Nope, they wont. Wanna know why??/Well its because they need to put some kind of valid figure in the reciept they are about to hand over to you in the name of medical cost. Damn it everytime they test my mom against some possible illness, I saw the figures in the bill increase by almost RM 1000. Double damn it.

So all this incidents got me wondering. Do doctors and medical expertise exist to take care of the ill or are they planning to kill people faster by drenching every bit of penny from a patient. Where has gone the oath took by these medical proffessionals that they will care for the needy and the ill.

In the end only one thing remains...The fact that a field which is suppose to safe lives exist just like any other industry...money gropers...I understand very well with the fact that this industry need to survive as well, but with such a high cost, it is more than surviving. They are just making million bucks into their bank accounts. What the heck mate, the patient provides them with a learning opportunity and in return the patient still need to pay for helping the medical industry out??? Triple damn it. Medicines need to be produced even if the medical experts very well aware of the fact that it cannot cure certain deceases...They need these deaccelerators in order to maintain people's trusts and keep their profits snowballing. Sometimes I wonder is that the reason why there are many deceases with no cure at all??? I mean to look at it at one perspective, again it is logical to say that if there is cure, then there wouldn't be much need for medical attention would it. Then how are these doctors going to make their money. They need people to be sick so that they can be rich. ANd to look at another perspective, even if they have the cure, they may just hike up the price as much as possible, so still at the end of the day there won't be much people surviving, because only those who can afford it can have the medicines. Rings a bell why most 3rd world nations have more chronic death cases compared to the rest. Even worldwide, prejudism is practised...I am just a small fry to state all this...

So you know what, fuck Ferhad, or Vince or whoever on the national airtime pleading people not to buy pirated CDs or cassettes. Why??? Cus the actual production cost may seem to be a tip of an iceberg, but the selling price maybe 100% more. We dont see any of these people going through bankruptcy when people by pirated version of their products do we??Cus even if a very small amount of genuine buyers exist, they can still lead above average lives. All they want now is to be more than that. Selfish thoughts...Living at my expense....

Can you hear it....echoes of realmz.......

MalaysianWide 1st Screening

Too bored to go back early to work, so I decided to go back to my old roots and went alone..

I went for Harry Potter opening of course. I was one of the 1st to watch it in Malaysia. Anyway the movie was quite boring, especially to those who have read the book. If u had never read the book, perhaps the show might be entertaining. But anyway the conclusion is that the book was way better., If the directors wanna direct movies adapted from books, I suggest they do it properly. I mean the movie lasted about 150 mins. But the editing sucked big time. I mean from one scene just jumping to another scene, plus loads of moemnts which could have been done well were messed up.

People, if u still havent got a clue what I was talking about...well its Harry Potter latest entry of course. Somehow I prefered the previous Dumbeldore. Yeah for those of you who dont know, 1st dumbledore acted in the first 2 sequels. I heard the guy passed away, so the directors had to look for new character. But the previous guy was so much cooler and fits perfectly well to how the book describes him. This new guy is one hell of a havoc and doesn't have much compassion to carry out. Somehow since they changed the director, the movie is becoming less and less attractive.

There's loads been missed out in the show. As I mentioned, if u read the book then disappoinment awaits. I can sense more disappointments to come for the next chapters. I mean it is really kind hard to compose a very long story in a 150mins movie. So why not have it like 240 mins movies. I am sure movie fans wouldn't mind.

When I heard about the news of Cho Chang, it was like whoa...this is gonna be good...But then again, Cho Chang was merely a puppet to enhance Harry's story a little. And believe me its very little..The story has been altered a little, such as the battle in the maze...There was nothing..It was merely some plants grabbing the contestants and of course a very short snippet of Krum going berserk under the imperius curse. Of course the part where Cedric dies was sad. He is good looking guy alright. And i expected Voldermot to be cool and evil, but he was more like a madman cut loose. So uncool, especially for being a famous villain.

I am not sure if the overseas screening had more scenes unfolded, cus they seem to censor alot here...It looked as if there isn't much to do for the rest. Ron and Hermoine's character was limited as well... Even the quiditch world cup wasn't really shown....Fleur wasn't georgeus, but Hermoine was, and the Patils'...dont even wanna go there...

The whole movie was rushed. Just like Initial D....Sigh....

Arghhhh...I am really damn tired to talk about my disappoinments

Where got echoes of realmz in this movielarr....cheh....

A friend I had and A friend I should have

Scene 1

Me : How can u do this to me?
Guy 1 : The bottomline is that she broke off with u...
Me : But I still love her and I expected u to help me out in knocking some sense to her, not eat for yourself
Guy 1 : Why is it so hard for you to let her go?
Me : Because I still love her....
Guy 1 : But she's over u..
Me : Do u think what she did is fair to me?
Guy 1 : Do u expect her to get out of the house for u?
Me : That's the path she chose...
Guy 1 : .........I hope this doesn't jeopardize our friendship...
Me : Do you even care???

Scene 2

Me : So why u didnt tackle her?
Guy 2 : She is interested but I dont want?
Me : Why not? She not bad what?
Guy 2 : Because my friend likes her...
Me : But does she like him ?
Guy 2 : Nope, she rejected him in a worse way possible....
Me : Ouch! That must hurt. So ur jalan clear what..Why are u hesistating...
Guy 2 : Because I dont wanna hurt my friend....

2 scenes, almost similar but different in their own ways. Yup its true story alright. After having chat with Guy 2, I began pondering and decided to write this. 2 guys, Guy 1, who doesn't give a shit about my friendship and backstabbed me yet try to act cool as if the friendship is important and uses the fact that the girl dumped me and decided to be selfish about his happiness instead of my feelings.. Guy 2 who though his friend got rejected to begin with, still decided to look after his friend's feelings. I guess for Guy 2, he took a stand that girls can come and go but was not willing to sacrifice a friend though the same principe applies.

Who should I be glad to have as a friend? The answer is obvious isn't it.

Can u hear it....echoes of realmz...

Of Girls and Make-Ups

Trivial issue but big difference that is. I cant recall when was the last time I saw my mom wore some cosmetics to make her look good.Guess she realised that she has no need of 'em anymore. But, where I work is completely different. The girls are thought of personal grooming and make ups are part of their personal appearance.

I got nothing against few layers of creams or powders on a lady's skin. Like i said its a trivial issue, but what makes a big difference is looking at the same person without those layers. I am sure many have realised this.

I remember one incident when I was back in Uni. There was this girl, named Julia, she had the figures of a model and no doubt she bacame a model and the best part was that she even clinched the title of Ms Pahang at one of the peagent shows. Well enough of her background. Now to the core...Well I always saw her and recognised her face as smooth and bright fresh face. It looked almost natural skin, never had I thought it was a big deal of a make up.But the truth can really be freaky. I saw her one night in the elevator of the apartment where she stays. I got a shock to see her. She looked very pale with some obvious wrinkles on her face. That's when it hit me hard of the fact that she was wearing extras on her face. I am sure she wouldn't haf clinched the title if she was ought to show her natural self.

What amazes me most was the fact that how good this ladies are in camoflouging their face from rotten aunty to hot momma. Where I work I see almost all girls of all ages wears make up and very few that I really had the chance to see their real face. But I dare say that the sight will be a total contrast. I even recall few pics that I saw of girls went to studio to have their model-look-alike photos taken. Those photographers on the other hand must be really talented to transform something into someone. I knew those girls before, but I couldt tell that it was them when I saw the pic. Until my friend told me who they are. It was a real shock. Now I know why plastic surgery is very much prefered by girls.

There are few reasons why girls like to camoflouge them. It could be because they hate being ugly, to cheat some guys by using their photos, wifes may do it to make sure their husband has a reason to stick wif them, wild girls may want a joy ride with rich guys with all expenses paid, some other girls want a rich guy so that they could settle down, hookers do it to attract customers,. If ur in customer service industry, pleasant appearance is a must and if ur in marketing, u know to get a go of ur product towards ur client which ensures increase in the salary figure.

One case I recall was that when guys try to sell their product it will always be hard for them, but the same product can be sold 3 the amount by ladies. Pleasant appearance for a lady can be very beneficial in every way that I could think of. But what happens behind the closed doors, that freaks me out. I mean think about shagging a hottie that u picked up at the night club. When u woke up the next morning the first thing u see is an aunty next to u...Guess that will be the time u breathe ur last breath.

But my 2 cents cannot be penned down as I am really wondering, is it really necessary for ladies to camoflouge themselves and hid their real self. Is it really ok for materialistic and earthly pleasure for one to portray as someone else and conceal the world of their true existence...I wonder...

Faking...the true tone of reality

When people lose their mind...

I just witnessed something I shall rather call interesting...Why interesting u may ask...Well its because not everyday one is entertained with such..Now what I witnessed??

An argument which got out of hand...I was having my break and decided to attend to some breeze, when all in a sudden a couple approached at the exact position I was...They were speaking chinese and from the slang of it i dare say that the lady is from mainland China...Anyway from their tone I expected it to be a quarrel, but what I dont get was, they know that I am there, yet they headed to where I stand with their arguments and stood next to me continuing their wonderful communication...What people lost their mind already to the extent they wanna let the entire world know that they are fighting...Of course being a good and understanding samaritan i decided to move away, since when people are angry, senses are hard to knock...And so I moved a little further but the couples are still within my visual...

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse...it did...The lady start slapping the guy, and the guy start defending the sudden outrage...People were passing by watching the free show...At one point it even looked like both the couples are in boxing mode, with their fists flying all over..And I began to ponder again...regardless of the issue they are dealing with, is it really necessary for them to show it in the public..Why must they be out of their mind to embarass themselves...Is it a good thing to get themselves embarassed...Can they win any noble prize for being the most idiotic couple in whole wide world...

Think about it...I mean whatever it may, but reflecting it to the entire world isnt exactly the right piece of cake to swallow...For goodness sake, ur not spreading the love but more hatred..What kind of dumb people wanna do such thing....The kind that I saw of course...

Anyway somehow, a moment later, the guy realised people around him are staring and decide to jet away with the lady tailing him...Yes the guy did jet...I dont consider that as cowardly...Its more like a right step to take...Having dealt with numerous girls in my life before, I dare say its always harder to handle girls when they are angry...So what u do..u run away to cool things off..I am sure whatever the guy gonna do or say to the girl will not knock anything to her for when a girl is angry she is always right, well not like she is wrong anytime as well..But cream it with anger and she flames well to be a bitch...Furthermore what do we expect the guy to do??/Knock the girl out cold???I applaud the guy for having at least some senses...

The fatality of true tone of reality.......

Part 4 of Reflections : Pact with God

Intro
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

This is the final installment to my small factual series...Moving on to the story...My mom was very serious at one point...I teared down looking at her...She is the one soul that I am btruly blessed with...No doubt we had our arguments but it doesn't change the fact that she is my mom and she played a very major role especially in me to the person I am today...

Now when I saw my mom suffering I knew what I must do....I must put back all the doubts I had previously and return back to my old self...And by that I mean to return back to the God that I once believed without hesistation...As soon as my dad left I messaged him that I need to go and pray...It was about 2 am, and so it must have freaked him out...He asked where am I going to pray...but I just replied "dont worry about that"...

So at about 3 am i found myself in front of St.John's church...Its been a while but the environment looked the same...Of course the gates were closed, I just remained in the car parked it outside the entrance to the church...It really felt awkward to do it again after a very long time...but I guess it is now or never...

I recall the last time I did this was also for a girl...But the girl now is my ex and to her I'm non existent...I prayed my hearts out then, I teared wanting her so badly and god did grant me the wish a week after...but of course we humans always mess up the great things god gift us with...And so the relationship had an abrubt end after 8 months...Only I knew the pain more than anyone, as no one else had put that much effort...When the relationship ended, I gave up in everything including God...The logical argument was that since he gave it to me, why can't he make sure that the relationship is retained... Well and then come the issue of another woman..My MOM...

And again I prayed from inside my car which is right outside of the church...This time I prayed for my mom...I already lost one woman, I dont wanna loose another...at least not yet...So I prayed...You see God, has very smooth way in getting back his followers who had slided...He didnt push you...he just made sure that we make the choice again to return to HIM.... And so I did...A deal...I will return to his path...provided my mom returns back safely...I think it was a fair deal with God, as the night after my mom began to recover and as I type this out, she is at home cooking for Deepavalli...Talk about the miracles of God...And I am trying my best till now to keep my side of the bargain...

It is damn hard to return when all this while you have been enjoying earthly pleasures, and now I am suppose to be focused about heavenly joys...Really damn hard...But I am trying, and I am sure that God is watching by me and giving me the time to recover as well...And I guess it isnt so bad after all to return to the divine position...It is for my own good...Only Q is that how long am I gonna hold out before I tremble and fall again...I really do not wish to fall...But I ask of God this...to gift me with some sort of vivion so that I'll know where to began and where to head...SO that I can be determined again not to fall...

Crazy ain't how women plays important role in my life...I am suprised as well, but what wouldn't I do for the sake of the ones I love... Well my mom is here now...and I wonder if the girl will ever be here with me again, or should I just walk away, throwing my love away...I realised I still love her...But is there another path that I should head to....These are the visions that I need now the most, as these are the most disturbing past I have till today....I want to be able to move with Faith again...I hope my visions will come sooner than later, as it will help me walk away from all my sinful patterns sooner as well...Talk to me God, please....

GOD is the true tone of reality....