The One's Strength....

I was just thinking and plenty of things are rummaging through my mind. One of which about my dad. Now just a brief history, the guy he was not born rich. I remember bits and pieces of bits and pieces of his story that he told me before. He must have been in good mood then to have shared his past story. The most clear one was the story where during one of the festive season he approached his mom and told her that he would like a new shirt. Thats about it and he was whacked kaw kaw by his dad the moment he heard it. I remember why my dad told me this story. He thought his children thinks his very strict, so he just wanted to give an example of strict I guess. But the way I look at it, his dad a.k.a my grandfather aint no strict. The guy is a barbarian to have whacked a child that expressed desires.

Nevertheless my dad wasn't like that. Actually sometimes I do wonder if he is like his father. Maybe my dad doesn't express his disatisfaction the way his barbarian father did, but heck my dad is my dad regardless of anything arite. I mean I have history of running out of the house when I was only 14 years of old because of him. But after all those here I am still standing all thanks to that guy. I used to be scared of him, mainly because I was the victim of tough love and often served cold for plenty of reasons such as beating up my elder sister, not being in top 3 in the class, for finishing my breakfast slowly, for waking up late, for not helping him out, for not understanding his instructions correctly etc. He is the only bastard that I knew in my life whenever I got the whammy.

Time has passed and here I am 24 years of old, and again all in honour to him. I realise that it is unfair to talk about his shortcomings alone so I will also state his greateness. The thing is my dad started off by working in a bakery shop. He was only baking breads and stuffs associative with a minimum wage. Got his liscence and I got no freaking idea how the hell he decided to become a driver. He drove for some datos and other respectable men. That time my dad already had his wife and his two kids; me being the second one. He was driving a Nissan Sunny but goes to work with an old Yamaha. Yup, I cant belive it either. I mean my dad hates it when I touch a bike and firmly against me getting a superbike, but heck he used to be rider before. And as far as my memory recalls, that motorbike was the means of transportation for my parents dating period. Well the bike is long gone alrite. Anyway my dad also worked as garderner with the same boss that he drove for some additional cash. I mean the guy got a family and not to mention my big stomach to feed.

So it was during his gardening period that he often brings me and my sis along. The memories are vaguly still lingering in my head. And the best part I love about the whole thing was to play with the dog of my dad's boss. It was nice aint it - being a kid and all...No worries and no complication of emotions. I remeber that me and my sis even made a burial for the dog when our dad informed us that it was shot. Those were the days.

The important thing that I would like to emphasize on is the fact that my dad stood strong. Never did we ever starved of food or deprived of clothes. We may not be from a very luxurious family, but he gave us enough to provide comfort. He worked so hard to where he is today. I kinda get the idea why is it so hard for him to let go of his business and all, cus it gave us what we wanted and it brought us to where we are today. The guy's too attached. Can't blame him for that.

Again here I am today thinking and visualing far ahead if I ever could be like him. I mean I dont really wanna be him but just the strength part. I want that strength to go on. I often myself in the midst of confusions and plenty of mixed up feelings. It often takes my life away. To be frank I am swaying to the left and right of the field. I just wish I had the strength to make up my mind and venture through with what comes may. Kinda embarassed to say its the same blood that flows through. More often than not I am terrified as I imagine the future ought to be, and still clueless of how the hell he did it.

And then it hit me. It was not the strength he gathered by himself. It is the strength he harvested for his family. He may not tell me, how often he trembled looking at his own cloudy future but he sure know what he must do. He knew he can't fade for he got his family to raise. For that reason alone he fought back without looking back. As scared as he is, he knew he has to move forward. Family was the strength.

Now I know where it comes from for me. Though I am often petrified at my own existence, but when it comes to my family...I seem to have the courage myself. It is not exactly about family. It is about pillar of strength...find one and we will very well be on our way. People say if we cant fight our own fear let us fight each other's fear.

Can you hear it..?? Echoes of the realmz....